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[Music]

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so nothing but the most important

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information over here

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people that uh

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people i know want to know about this

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story because it will affect your daily

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life

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and this headline is i married

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the ghost of michael jackson but we

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don't bonk he just wants to eat cookies

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that's some good news on that front

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wait what was was this headline written

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by like an ai with just random keywords

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i don't know but uh uh there is uh this

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headline out of the daily star uk

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that says medium kathleen roberts who

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also claims to be the reincarnation of

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marilyn monroe says michael jackson

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was first attracted to her childlike

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personality and small hands and feet but

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he won't go to the next level man i got

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mixed emotions about this one i'm not

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sure i want to know more about this

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so i'll read this this is important

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information because people love michael

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jackson he is probably would you put

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michael jackson in the league of the

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most famous people that have ever lived

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on this earth

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oh yeah

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absolutely easy like yeah easily the

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most famous ghost until oprah and

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madonna start dying

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yeah i would put so it's like the most

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famous people on that have ever lived

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michael jackson i think's up there

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he's gonna be up there uh jesus christ

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michael jackson i don't think keith

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richards is killable to be perfectly

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honest it's gonna be

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it's keith richards and dick cheney will

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be the last ones alive probably

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yeah i'll have to thought the

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thunderdome for king of the planet

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[Laughter]

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but a little bit from this article here

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uh if you were possessed by a spear you

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might want them to beat it

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oh good god

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yeah

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i don't know what you've won but

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done this but not kathleen roberts she

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claims she is married to the ghost of

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michael jackson who mainly wants to use

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her as a vehicle to eat cookies

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medium kathleen who also reckons she's

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the reincarnation of marilyn monroe

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just real quick does she's identified in

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there as medium kathleen

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medium kathleen because she's a medium

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not not in a sense of like large marge

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right yeah she's not like a large woman

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or a petite woman like they're not

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saying it as a like a size kind of

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description it's she's a medium a trans

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medium

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that's her chosen profession not not a

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reflection of her size yeah yeah that's

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great isn't it

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uh medium kathleen

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large cathy large marge

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uh

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medium kathleen who also reckons she is

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the reincarnation of marilyn monroe says

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she's been in a relationship with the

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king of pop's ghost for several years

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she says he's made himself very at home

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inside her using her body to sing dance

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but much to her disappointment she says

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he doesn't seem interested in

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consummating their marriage sex she says

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isn't on the menu

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she's possessed right so she is

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the the ghost the spirit of michael

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jackson is in her

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inhabiting her inhabiting her corporeal

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form how are they going to have sex

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because that's just masturbation at this

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point right yeah and where's marilyn

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monroe in this whole thing yeah

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that's a good point joe that's just like

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a throwaway line oh by the way i'm jesus

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wait what

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you know it's like what are the chances

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oh i am the reincarnation of marilyn

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monroe and by the way i married the

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ghost of michael jackson i won the

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lottery in you know the paranormal so

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[\h__\h] off

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she's got it all she's got like the most

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iconic spirits

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in her right now

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like she's

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both marilyn monroe and then possesses

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elements of michael jackson if she can

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get jim beam she's got all the right

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and and and jimmy dean yeah yeah jimmy

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oh she goes might as well get big boy in

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and danny i don't know who he is

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it's scott i don't know there's some

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toilet paper he seems like a popular guy

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why don't you just uh what about the

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arnold can we just get arnold in there i

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know he's not dead yet but nothing's

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impossible right i'm back

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let's get him in there get him in the

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mix he'll do it he'll [\h__\h] everyone

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there he'll [\h__\h] you and michael jackson

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but i hope you leave enough room for my

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hawk because i'm going to ram it into

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yours

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so uh this article goes on it is

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it's an unusual and unprovable setup but

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kathleen insists she's found

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uh she's of sound mind

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and that she is being 100 percent

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truthful for a while she shared stories

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of her and michael's marriage on tick

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tock

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but since those accounts have now been

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removed the most vivid insight comes

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from an article she wrote last year

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so uh

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it goes on to say she paints michael who

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died in 2009

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at age 50 as being a real chatterbox

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something uh that surprised her kathleen

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from the us writes quote

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michael uh stays in me all the time so

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he comes to the restroom with me and

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calls these special bonding moments

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yeah she's growing memories on the

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toilet trees excuse me but i was just

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taking a shower all right

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i'm going to take a [\h__\h]

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uh

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i wonder okay he go quote this this goes

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on quote

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he sings and dances possessed in me

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quote uh in

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parentheticals here or channeling

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if you refer to it professionally he

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talks to me a lot which is not what i

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expect from a shy man i saw on tv all

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okay what is this [\h__\h] [\h__\h] she's

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got a dead raccoon she brings when she

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goes out to eat and it's haunted by the

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coast of bubbles the monkey

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michael jackson loves to eat the

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roadkill raccoon

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he just sets it up at the table

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at mcdonald's

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you cook this for me

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can you deep fry this raccoon for me

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thanks

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i goes on to say quote uh he stays

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possessed in me relaxed not channeled

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and just enjoying living through me and

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communicating with me as a husband

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so he likes to eat in me he

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loves cookies he cusses a lot more than

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i expected to him as a former fans oh so

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uh michael jackson's got a bit of a

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potty mouth your goddamn [\h__\h] piece

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of [\h__\h] walking down this

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is like yeah

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there's [\h__\h] goddamn degenerate

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despite being famous for his crotch

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grabbing groin thrusting moves on stage

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well he was famous because he was an

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amazing singer songwriter the the crotch

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grabbing was just a bonus okay

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uh but despite being famous for his

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cross-grabbing

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groin thrusting moves on stage kathleen

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says

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he has struggled to connect with him

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on a sexual level despite

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her best attempts to be

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physically intimate

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wait wait read that sense again despite

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whose best

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attempts

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despite being

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famous for his crotch grabbing groin

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thrusting moves on stage kathleen says

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she has struggled to connect with him on

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a sexual level despite her attempts to

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be physically intimate this sounds like

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spiritual sexual assault honestly and

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i think the uh the ectoplasm police need

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to be there to

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to arrest her because well it's not

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likely it almost sounds like she is i am

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taking it lightly because it's a

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crazy person with michael jackson's

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ghost inside her but okay it sounds like

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she has kidnapped michael jackson's

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ghost

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and is trying to force him to perform

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sexual acts on her yes has she tried

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being a six-year-old boy

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not that i know of but that does work

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from time to time doesn't it i've heard

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well i can play a little bit this is a

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little bit of her talking i believe oh

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we have a clip hi i'm kathleen

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i have a story to tell you

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it's about a ghost who's very famous

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and how he became my husband

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it all began in 2009

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in june

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and i was a very big fan of michael

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jackson

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had a crush on him

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and

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i loved his music

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since i was three years old

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i was a very big fan

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and when he died

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i was very crushed i mourned

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very hard

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all right i can't i don't know if i can

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take it anymore

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yeah i'm going to say racist stuff she

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sounds like a real gem of a woman i mean

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i was com everything she said was

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compelling

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to a point that i was enthralled

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the fact that you stopped it is just

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insane mike can you run that with some

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i i might be able to

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kind of like uh

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some kind of movie music or something

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like that or even your your uh your your

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self-help music because she's just

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talking

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oh yeah i i do have some inspirational

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movie music right

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maybe where's my uh my inspirational

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stuff oh yeah right here oh yes this is

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and i cried

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for days and

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i i just

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i couldn't deal with it

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it was just so difficult you've

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definitely not hurt the production of it

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no i think i actually raised the

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production level

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oh yeah

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it was hard for me to get up in the

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it was hard for me to go to bed okay it

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was just i cried day and night okay

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crying while i was at work

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and it was very hard

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okay that's that's about all i can do

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there guys supposed to be in hr and this

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woman's crying at work and and she gets

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her

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you know suggested to go to talk to hr

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and then they're like well why are you

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upset she's like well i kidnapped

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michael jackson's ghost and put him

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inside me it won't have sex

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yeah

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the ghost of michael jackson that i

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kidnapped won't

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[\h__\h] me

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here at the office in the bathroom when

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well she uh i don't have that on my form

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i don't know what box to check for that

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well she writes uh he doesn't like being

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touched back he's uh he scares me with

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spider visions and dead corpse visions

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if i kiss him or try to initiate romance

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physically

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uh quote he is very bossy in points

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thing things out like flaws and mistakes

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i make

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i assume he got that from his father so

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i try to overlook that because i love

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him and i'm not perfect either

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well yeah she kidnapped the ghost of

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michael jackson

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of a

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an overbearing perfectionist probably a

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bit of a narcissist

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i can probably see that probably

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selfless in the in the uh in the

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bathroom selfless in the bathroom

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selfish in the bedroom though

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[Music]

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i'm not doing that let's go have a crap

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together okay and i'll conclude with

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this uh kathleen said

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i feel special that he chose me for a

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wife

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though not on paper we treat our

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relationship as though we are married we

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have our ups and downs but michael the

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truth is

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i just can't stop loving you

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that's not even one of his songs no the

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goblin

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oh that was it was a b-side on thriller

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there we go there is the the ghost of

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michael jackson is alive and well

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in this uh medium-sized woman named

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kathleen

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gmail.com check out